Everybody Lies

Posted in personal with tags , , , , , , , on January 12, 2016 by shealm

Everybody Lies You just have to know how to catch it.

What is in a lie? I’d say it depends on what the lie is, not what’s being lied about. There are many different types of lies. The white lie, the little fib, the big and bold lie, the secretive lie, the half truth..

It doesn’t matter what kind of lie it is there are tells that people have that show you without them saying so that they are lying. What are tells you ask?

Well, there are 7 universal micro expression regardless of culture, religion, up bringing, creed, color or orientation. Male or female, child or adult – they are truly universal.


There are also 10 universal positive or negative emotional ranges.


These micro expressions and micro emotions happen in anywhere from a 15th of a second to a 25th of a second. Learning to recognize these and catch them as they happen can open a whole new world in every aspect of your life.

When someone is feeling contempt for something or someone the inner brows will arch upward, a furrow will form between them and one corner of the mouth archs downward while the other stays stationary. Pursed lips with closed fists and a stare right through you is anger. Fear is tightened neck muscles with pursed lips and wide eyes. A TRUE smile involves the eyes and whole face while a FAKE smile only involves the mouth. Pleasure and desire…those are interesting. When we talk about a loved one we have an emotional bond with or an intimate bond with our irises dilate indicating that emotional or intimate bond as we recall from our memory those feelings for those people.

Then you have your illustrators and manipulators. Most people who tell the truth talk with their hands. Those who lie, pull their hands in, fidget with something, touch their face a lot and (as ironic as it may be) actually make forceful eye contact with the person they are lying to.

Then you have words. I CAN NOT as opposed to I CAN’T. A liar uses CAN NOT…truthful people to not need to convince you of their truth and use CAN’T. Can not denotes a lier trying to enforce the lie as truth by using subtle word placement to reiterate the lie as a truth. Sometimes even a laugh misplaced in a conversation can tell you the real truth…a small chuckle misplaced moments too late or too soon in a sentence, one where it should not be – it denotes the absurdity of the lie even to the lier. That misplaced laugh is the liar disbelieving their own lie and thinking you are actually falling for it. Smug isn’t it, not consciously on their part though.

You see, if you know what to look for you can spot any liar …no matter how good a liar… from a thousand miles away.


Let’s Talk MS

Posted in advocacy, medical, personal with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 11, 2016 by shealm

A lot of people have misconceptions about MS (multiple sclerosis). I had one person mistake MS for ALS (both are demylenation diseases, one is a lot nastier – ALS).

First let’s start with what multiple sclerosis means as a medical term:

We all know what multiple means (as in many, more than 1). Sclerosis means scar tissue. Scaring, which means MS means multiple scars.

What causes these scars? The immune system, it mistakes the myelin sheathing on the nerves (that fatty coating that makes it possible to send signals back and forth from brain down the spinal cord to body and back) as a foreign body. It attacks that fatty coating and destroys and scars it.

There are several types of MS:

RRMS – relapsing/remitting : meaning it causes flares of worsening symptoms or new ones then will remit or go into remission.

SPMS – RRMS will usually progress down the line to this particular type of MS. Secondary progressive MS. Meaning the symptoms (new or old) to not remit or go into remission. They just kind of keep piling on or get worse.

PPMS – Primary progressive. Same as above but it is rare to start with this type of MS. There are a small percentage of MS patients who get the PPMS diagnosis right out the gate.

PRMS – Progressive but can go into remission.

There is also something called benign MS (a lesion on the brain is benign? I find this category categorically stupid, most MS patients do). Apparently it supposedly has no effect on people.

Most people also know about CIS (clinically isolated symptoms). CIS is usually the first thing a doctor will say on the first presentation of a flare or symptoms. You have to have 2 flares or more within a set period of time to be diagnosed with MS.

The next category is debatable (my opinion, it’s a whole different demylenation disease that can mimic MS or MS can mimic it).

Devic’s Disease. There are a few very distinct differences with Devic’s that must be present: Spinal lesions, Iron deficiency and optic neuritis to name a few. (Devic’s is also referred to as neuromylitis optica and is from a spectrum called NWO spectrum disorder which includes everything from transverse mylitis, spinal stenosis, etc).

Okay now that we have simplistic definitions out of the way:

Symptoms. Lots of them. Some people will get some symptoms others do not. Some will need a wheelchair, walking cane or walker – some will not.

MS is called a “snowflake” disease because no two MS patients are alike. Fun stuff huh?

Some of the more common symptoms are burning, itching, tingling, numbness of skin/limbs/body. Balance problems, speech problems (slurring of words, loss of words, word replacement), vision problems, spastic muscles (which causes pain), cognitive function deficits, short term memory problems, bladder/bowel problems…list goes on.

What does it look like on an MRI you ask? Because you just did your MRI and have the disc and want to compare notes and get a better understanding of what you are looking at:


Let’s compare notes shall we?


This is a top view of three brains: It is the view of the periventricles (the middle of the brain with the darker sections where CSF or cerebro spinal fluid circulates through the brain. It is affectionately referred to as the brain bath (the fluid that bathes our nerves, spinal cord and brain and keeps it healthy, we need that stuff).

Notice the difference in the two MS brains compared to the healthy control? The periventricles are larger suggestive of brain matter loss. This means more CSF is circulating in the brain than that of a healthy control because of the lack of brain matter.


That’s a real side view of a brain up there (mix is left and right). Actually, that’s my proof I have a brain and am blonde (yes you can laugh at the ill mannered joke I just made about myself). Those are from the SAG T2 Flair longTR shots of my head (Flair makes it easier to see the lesions better). That’s not all of them from the survey. The brighter spots are lesions, not as big as some of my fellow MS patients but size doesn’t matter  (in my opinion, at least to an extent) with MS, where they are matters.

So to recap:







That curved bright white spot up there, a lesion. The Healthy Brain picture, obviously not mine (thanks google images, even if you google people did break my phone – broken clock is right twice a day too).

So that’s the quick run down (if you call almost 1000 word post a quickie). Got questions? I got a comment box you can use.


Android 6.0.1

Posted in personal with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 11, 2016 by shealm

Sucks. Absolutely sucks. Thank you Google for breaking my phone. My battery sucks, random resets…battery doesn’t know whether it’s coming, going or went.

I had to downgrade to kitkat 4.4.4 on my Nexus 5.

Thanks for that.

To the tutorial makers of downgrading, you assholes don’t know how to make proper tutorials. Be a little more specific for the newbs jackasses.

Here, let me help you:

Step one:

Download the auto installer for Windows for ADB tools (you need this)

Step two:

Download the image file from Android/Google appropriate to your device

Step three:

Download Zip 7 to unzip previous download (because winshit can’t unzip tgz/tar files)

Now from there this is how it goes:

Run the ADB tools installer for windows. You want to say yes to all and restart computer.

Next you are going to work with your Nexus 5 (in this case I’m going to use the N5 as a reference guide).

Note: My N5 was already bootloader unlocked. You HAVE to unlock your bootloader to do the downgrade.

Now, with an N5, go to settings>about phone>tap the crap out of the build version until it says developer options unlocked.

Go to developer options (hit the back button on you N5 to get back to the previous menu screen) and look for USB debugging mode, turn it on.

Here comes the fun stuff, back up your crap or if you don’t care ..don’t back it up.

Power OFF your N5, then with the power button and Vol – (that means the volume down button) pressed and held you will come to a screen that has an android dude in it and options like Restart, Recovery Mode, Power Off.

Use the down button (Vol -) and go to Recovery Mode (you did unlock your bootloader right? If you didn’t, do that first…link up there tells you how). Press the power button on Recovery Mode. You should come to a screen with that little android prick on his back, says “no command”

Here’s the fun bit, it’s a bitch sometimes to get the key combo right. I find if I hit the power button hold then quickly press the Vol + (that’s volume UP) I get the hidden menu on the first shot…or press in this case.

Now (you did unlock that damn bootloader right?) the next steps are:

Scroll down to wipe cache partition, press power button, select yes (don’t panic when it does it’s thing, this has to be done – power button is your OK button- push it, come on I dare ya)

When that finishes, scroll down to Wipe Date/Factory Reset, press the power button to select it. Again don’t panic, this needs to be done. Did you back up your stuff? Or, like me, just don’t care at this point. If you do care, hope you backed it all up (pictures, music..etc) because say bye bye to it.

Once that is all done. Don’t do anything on the phone. Let it sit idle for a few minutes because we gots us some work to do on your computer.

Now, that image you downloaded from Google/Android needs to be unzipped (fucking twice). You are looking for something called flash-all.bat (that sucker is in with the image files you downloaded not the ADB tools (did you remember to install that ADB? Yes – good. No – Do it first).

Now, once you unzip those image files…

**by the way the tgz unzips to a tar zip, unzip the tar – zip 7 manager is the executable you want when windows bitches it can’t work with the tgz/tar – browse, computer, programs (either 32 bit/84 bit) and Zip 7 then Zip 7 Manager**

USB connect your N5 to the computer,

You will now double click that flash-all.bat. Don’t freak, the little bastard does its thing on its own. If you did it right (it takes about 5/10 minutes or less, usually way less) your phone will be downgraded to kitkat 4.4.4.

Congratulations, you just downgraded and now all your apps are going to want to update the fuck out of themselves (do this). Google Play Services may bitch about a 907 error. Fix that by going to Settings>Apps> Google Play Services>Force Stop then clear the cache lower in the screen (not the data the cache). Then retry the update.

You’re Fucking Welcome. If you can’t tell I got really frustrated with stupid half assed instructions and I’m a hell of a lot more pissed at Google for being asshats with their upgrades and making my N5 a paperweight …well an unpredictable paperweight…Fix it ya jackasses.


Posted in personal with tags , , , , , on November 7, 2015 by shealm


Yup, really.

Being a Bitch

Posted in personal with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 13, 2015 by shealm

Time to let me shine through because…


Being a bitch doesn’t mean you have to be cruel or unusually mean. It has nothing to do with being cruel, mean or nasty. Being a bitch means putting yourself first where needed and where appropriate. Being a bitch means learning to say no and not feeling guilty about it.

Being a bitch means putting your foot down and holding to your personal boundaries. Holding firm to the consequences of those boundaries you set for yourself. Being a bitch means not putting up with bad behaviors from others and not being taken advantage of. Being a bitch isn’t being mean, it’s putting yourself first.

Multiple Sclerosis

Posted in personal with tags , , , , , , , , on October 2, 2015 by shealm


Today was a day of vindication. I’m also very highly irate. I did an MRI last June for an aneurysm screening and MS screening. The report wasn’t read until today and it took my doctor’s temporary replacement to do it.

Spots on the white brain matter indicative of MS seen. No aneurisms detected.

Two sentences. One a relief the other …well I haven’t cried yet but I will.

Over a year without treatment because a doctor didn’t believe me and didn’t bother to read a report.

I had a verbal diagnosis of MS since 2005. Verbal. Wth is a verbal diagnosis going to do right. A decade of fighting with doctors to take me seriously, to stop telling me its mental health issues, to stop saying I’m too young.

I am utterly raging mad that I’ve missed a full year of treatment because of this lack of caring. What’s Hippocratic Oath if doctors are going to ignore their patients they made that oath to?

The temporary doctor, she is amazing! She was mad too. She has rushed an MS protocol MRI and neurologist referral on my behalf. I like her, knowledgeable, patient and good at what she does. Smart as all hell too, sharper than a tack.

Too bad she is only temporary. She would serve our community way better than most of the doctors here.

Vindicated but hurting because I feel I didn’t matter much to someone it should have mattered to.

Naughty Budgie

Posted in personal with tags , , , , , , , , on September 22, 2015 by shealm