Dealing With a BPD’er

First, what is BPD?

It is an acronym for Borderline Personality Disorder.

The particular BPD’er I had the unfortunate displeasure of dealing with was also a covert narcissist and was histrionic as well.

Of course, I didn’t find out until it was way too late. She did some major damage that could have caused a lot more heart ache than it did.

She was a liar (a damn good one), a thief, a manipulator and…well just plain evil.

She is the type of woman who speaks out of one side of her mouth all pretty and dignified while spewing poison out the other side of the mouth behind your back to others.

How do I know you ask? I have all the screen shots from her spewing crap about us to loyal friends.

She was a chaos manufacturer, one of those types who lived for drama and if none was happening, she’d make some happen. Pitting people against each other then sitting back and watching it unfold.

BPD has certain traits, here are some of them:

Push/Pull – the I hate you but don’t leave me dance. This is something they do by idolising you to keep you enmeshed and engaged with their need for attention then pushing you away by demoralising you. It’s also called seeing you all good or all bad. It’s a projection behaviour. They project their self hate onto another person because they don’t have the emotional maturity to handle how they feel about themselves.

Parentafication – this is a behaviour that happens when the BPD’er has children. They swap rolls with their child. Making them the parent to feed the BPD’ers ego and need for attention.

Chaos Manufacturing – this is when they create drama or dramatic events to create chaos with people. It’s a way of sucking you into their circle and getting their ego fed.

They will lie, cheat and even steal to create this drama. Pitting people and using others to suck you in (or back in if they have pushed you out in the push/pull dance).

They do the poor me dance as well with chaos manufacturing. They use grandiose vocabulary, over inflating small little daily annoyances that most of us deal with very easily.

They’ll even fake suicidal ideation or injuries to chaos manufacture. Taking it so far as to even lie to doctors in the ER to support their lies.

Sometimes, you get a BPD’er who will even fake a family members death just to garner attention to feed the ego.

Some psychology circles say these people don’t know they are doing what they are doing but I can tell you from experience that is bullcrap. I’ve seen the gleen of enjoyment in her eyes while she watches all her chaos unfold. That cold twinkle of a stare. It’s the look of pure giddiness at watching people squirm on her proverbial hook like worms. Twisting in the wind.

She has stolen from me, money and things, my time. Tried to turn all my friends against me (luckily, they know me better than her lies about me).

She has emotionally drained me like some vampire or succubus. Has even verbally gone after my oldest daughter. Projected her craziness onto me. Called me vile names and even tried to extort a friend emotionally while blame shifting something she did onto him with a half assed apology. She has dragged my name through the mud in an attempt to destroy my reputation. Violated my children’s privacy to every tom, dick and harry in our small town (which prompted us to file a police report, she didn’t like that but it stopped her in her tracks for that one)

When everything she did didn’t work she fled the town.

I learned a valuable life lesson after talking to her previous victims (ironically, all women)…how to identify people like her and to stop letting people step on me just because I’m a nice bleeding heart.

I may not get my things, time or money back but I can say I will never have to worry about her hurting my family and friends ever again. How do you deal with someone like this?

Go completely no contact. They hate a non response to their antics. They hate being ignored. They may even escalate for a bit trying to get your attention but whatever you do, no matter how much you want to give them a what not verbally…DON’T. If they commit illegal acts to escalate, let the authorities deal with it. Just don’t respond at all, once their attention turns away from you they will dislodge themselves from you.

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